Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Good bye 2013

Another year has come to a close.

Did I hit all my major goals in 2013? Not even close.

There are lots of "I could haves"

I could have .... lost 30 lbs
I could have .... spent more quality time with my family/kids
I could have .... made my husband feel special-er
I could have .... volunteered more and given back
I could have .... did more projects at work
I could have .... strengthened my friendships

I could go on and on.

Was it a bad year? No. It was just one of those years that seemed to just go by - poof a year gone and really nothing to stand out. Yes I did some awesome things - I ran a great half marathon, completed the tough mudder, precepted a few graduate students, raised my children.

What will 2014 bring?

I will run my second marathon.

I hope to spend less time on the computer/phone ect and more time being silly with my kids.

I hope to experience new things.

I hope to show my kids that we give back to those less fortinate than us.

I hope to fall madly in love with my husband over and over again :) thats an easy one.

I hope to get healthy and not focus soooo much on the number but about being healthy in my skin.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

crying and running do NOT mix!

Today I did my scheduled easy 2 miles on the treadmill since it is trying to rain outside. Watched the Today show which had adoptive and foster care stories today. OMG. Bawled like a baby. Thank god for the easy pace. Very very hard to run and cry at the same time!

It struck a cord. We have decided we are done having biological children but I hope in a few years for us to open our home and hearts to a child whose biggest wish is to have a family to love them and the safety in that.

It has been a wonderful week. Eric and I both took the week off to get some stuff done around the house. We have spent some time together and time with the kids. The house is slowly getting organized and we are giving things away like crazy. No more hoarding!

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

I did the unthinkable....

WOW - I still cannot believe what I just did.

After reading Roni's post about losing her scale, I did some deep thinking about my own scale. Mainly if its hurting or helping, what kind of relationship we have and is it necessary to weigh yourself to lose weight.

My relationship with my scale currently: daily if not 5 times daily weigh ins, every time I see the damn thing I have to step on it. If I want a snack before I step on it I tell myself "its ok to have a cookie if the number says x, y, z". If the number is not in my favor then that very easily turns into a "fuck it" mentality for the rest of the day because "I will start over tomorrow". It lives in my bathroom. I go to the bathroom a lot.  I tell myself not to weigh myself that often but I do anyways. I tell myself not to let a number depict my mood for the day but it does.

So is it hurting or helping? Easy answer right??? Obviously it is not in the helping category. I do NOT have a healthy relationship with my scale.

Is it necessary to weigh yourself regularly to lose weight? I do not see why it has to be.

The whole point of this new blog is to work on living a healthier, happier, more well rounded life. Whats wrong with focusing on eating better options, moving more, getting outside more, laughing more, acting silly more with the kids? Whats wrong with using my clothes and my feeling of who I am be the way that I "weigh" myself? And if I need to weigh myself periodically to see how things are going - ummm its not like I own the only scale in the world. There is a scale at the gym, at work, at a friends house. Its not like I will never ever see a scale again.

So yes - I took the plunge and I threw the damn thing away! Right in the trash!!! If I would have hid it I would have found it - it was the only option.

Time to focus on what matters and see if by changing my focus if my health and body come along for the ride!

Monday, October 28, 2013

Im a tough mudder mother!

What a weekend!

I flew into Dallas Friday morning. Got to the small town hours before everyone else so decided to get a massage. YIPPEE!  The only person I knew on my team was my step-mom so I got to meet up with everyone Friday night. They were all so welcoming and nice!

Saturday we completed the tough mudder in right around 4 hours. It was harder and easier than I thought it would be all in one. I handled the off road running very well. The obsticals I was scared of for the most part were no where near as difficult as I thought they would be. The cage and tunnels were so much fun! The arctic enema was HORRIBLE. I never ever want to experience anything like that ever again! I jumped in and then I coudlnt get air to go in my lungs. I felt like a fish out of water. I completed it but omg so scary!

We stayed together as a team thank goodness! Initially we thought the team would break into two based on fitness level but the more fit of the group were injured so we all stuck together. I couldnt have completed it without the help of the guys.

Now the not so great part - there were periods during this event that I was very self conscience about my size. I was only a one in a handful of girls size 12 or up. And when it got to the point where I needed someone to lift me over a wall or when you had to carry someone I was very aware of my size.

On the plus side - great inspiration... I do NOT want to feel like that ever again!

Sunday, October 20, 2013

The dreaded first post


I tried this whole blog thing before - when I was doing well I posted. When I was doing crappy I did not. Needless to say I have not posted in a long long time. And where has it gotten me - right back to square one and looking for somewhere to express my views, feelings ect.

Before my entire goal was weight loss. Weight loss, weight loss weight loss.  Well screw that - I am way more awesome than I give myself credit for. I am SICK of playing the fat card. I'm sick of giving myself a way out - an excuse from living the life I want to live.

So here I am - again. But a new prospective.

I am living life. I am pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I am making goals and hitting them. I am checking things off my grand bucket list.

For starters, next week I am flying to Dallas to do my first Tough Mudder. I am TERRIFIED. For the last week I have stressed that I will be the heaviest girl there. That I will not be able to finish. That I will look stupid. To the point where I have eaten like crazy and actually gained a few pounds. HELLO..... I am doing it. I am facing my fears. I am trying my hardest and I will complete it. Yes fear is ok... but time to focus on being more excited.

I have also signed up for my second marathon - the first was three years ago. It was not a super great running experience. I was not nearly as ready for it as I thought I was. This year I am planning to follow the Hansons Marathon Method. Its way more discipline and regimine than I am used to. It will be an experience.

So stay tuned. I will be back super soon to make this blog pretty and more "me" and I hope to find who that "me" is along the way.